Trigger Warning: anxiety, depression, suicide

I began writing this a number of months ago and abandoned it. This was partly because I am not someone who is naturally comfortable sharing intimately personal experiences, but mostly it was because I sensed that the space for discussion around mental health issues has been colonised by the medical community and by state apparatuses and that, because of the seriousness of the issue, only a certain kind of discourse is permitted, and to say anything different is to invite attack. But the enormous wave of condescension following the death of Robin Williams has pushed me to finish it. I am open to discussion on any of the points I make here.

* * *

A few months ago, I was walking across Dublin to meet a friend. At the top of Grafton St., a woman from some religious group or other was handing out glossy leaflets titled something like “Reasons to go on living”. How absurd. I wanted to take her aside and explain to her that, while she probably means well, anyone who is actually considering suicide has a complex and personal web of problems in their life that couldn’t possibly be addressed by a one-size-fits-all pamphlet of generic reasons why life is worth living. I also wanted to shout at her for being so completely, offensively patronising. How self-absorbed do you have to be to think that your fleeting interaction could conjure away someone’s suicidality? To think that the most alienated and impersonal form of social interaction – shoving a leaflet into someone’s hand – is going to decisively alter their relationship to society? As if depression is just the result of ignorance or stupidity: of never having been told, or never having thought, of things about life that are good.

I did neither, as it happens. I just kept my head down and walked past, hoping she wouldn’t try to engage me. It was far too early in the morning for that shit, and I was in no mood for it.

In the Arts block in UCD they’ve installed a blackboard, that says “Before I die I want to _____________” about 20 times. Predictably enough, it’s been used by men to anonymously sexually harass women they know – “Before I die I want to ride X” – and to make jokes about how useless an Arts Degree is. I’m not really sure what the point of it is. Do its instigators imagine that people with suicidal thoughts don’t realise that if they’re dead they won’t be able to go on a skiing trip, or learn to play the banjo, or get a blowjob off the Pope anymore? Or do they think that they’re crowdsourcing a set of useful suggestions as to what one’s life’s purpose might be that might actually change someone’s trajectory? Does it have a point beyond spending a sum of money earmarked “suicide prevention” so that someone in an office somewhere can tot up in monetary terms how much “suicide prevention” has been done this year?

It seems every other week there’s someone on TV cycling a bike or jumping on a trampoline or swimming to prevent suicide, all bleating the same condescending message “it’s ok not to feel ok, and it’s ok to ask for help”, as if the weight of fears and stigmas that keep people locked in silence can be dispelled by a catchphrase. College campuses are intermittently swarmed by these people: happy-clappy do-gooders in brightly coloured clothes baking cupcakes and putting up balloons and smiling rather too earnestly. At some point in the recent past, it was decided somewhere that the issue of suicide would be tackled, and that it would be tackled in the most obnoxiously fluffy, self-congratulatory, and insubstantial way possible. It’s one thing to think you can save the world by holding a jumble sale for Africa when you’re in primary school and don’t know any better, but adults should be able to address serious issues seriously.

* * *

I’ve never felt myself to be at serious risk of suicide, thankfully. But for the past four or five months I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression, which had me struggling to get out of bed, never mind leave the house, sleeping erratically, not eating, fighting with those close to me, panicking over college and other commitments which I was unable to make very much progress on, and enveloped in a dread that my whole life was about to collapse around me, which culminated in my having to abandon this semester of college because I simply couldn’t cope anymore. Life stopped being enjoyable, except in intermittent flashes; at best it merely was – flat, anhedonic, boring – and at worst it was a cloying trap of worry. The last thing I needed – and I needed, and still need, many things – was chirpy teenagers in fluorescent t-shirts enjoining me to “please talk”. (To whom?) I find it utterly alienating, superficial, empty. Are there really people whose world is so pleasant that all this joyous affirmation could be an authentic expression? Or is it simply a naivety that thinks the psychosocial damage of the world can be healed with an injection of fake saccharine positivity? Either way, there’s no possibility for communication here, because this mode of expression simply doesn’t inhabit the same world: how could all this Crayola-coloured positivity have anything to say about anything real?

What’s missing from all of these efforts by mainstream culture to address the issue of suicide is any capacity to grapple with the ambivalence of life in this society. What I mean by this is the recognition that life does not automatically provide us with a reason to carry on, that the world is not waiting to shower us with pleasures if only we would embrace it. Uncertainty and vulnerability are fundamental to the human condition, and thus too are anxiety, despair, and pain. The possibility of boredom is proof enough that mere experience is insufficient. If we find a reason to persist with life, a possibility for enjoyment, it is the result of a process of struggle, an active creation – the product of an act of will, or perhaps faith, not of reason. There is always the possibility of hope, perhaps, but it is pure fantasy to suggest that it is always immediately available to us in all circumstances.

In my experience, a good psychotherapist understands this, and is willing to engage with the validity of negativity. But as a culture we do not permit such things to be expressed and acknowledged. Instead all we can muster is the absurd moralising insistence that life is always worth living – an axiom that cannot be questioned – and the corollary pathologisation of the real lived experience of those who feel otherwise. Perhaps it is because existential questions are painful that such things are confined to the therapeutic situation and the backrooms of philosophy departments. Perhaps it is because those of us who are “healthy” recognise on some level the precariousness of that position. I don’t know. But I do know that socially-enforced positivity, the social ethic that commands that life must be enjoyed, consigns the reality of negativity to a grim and dangerous silence.

* * *

What does the reality of anxiety, depression, suicide, say about society? According to the dominant medical discourse, nothing at all. Healthy people are healthy, sick people are sick and need to be made healthy. There are only individuals and their problems. It would of course be obscene for me to try and suggest that all mental illness is political in origin or meaning – moreover, I don’t believe it – but it is, I think, equally obscene to treat mental illness as if it were merely an individual dysfunction with no social component. (This is of course not to deny the biological/clinical reality of mental illness, merely to question the compulsory individualisation of their causation.) There are political reasons why we experience anxiety and despair. There are political reasons why mass culture permits only the celebration of the often miserable conditions of our existence, and why the permitted conversation on these matters has all the depth and nuance of a playschool mural. Precarious work, unemployment, poverty, homelessness, drug addiction, social isolation, the fear of one-another, the patriarchal system which poisons our most intimate connections and alienates us from our closest companions: these are social diseases which can only be tackled politically. There are limits to the powers of medical practioners. We should demand more from life than coping strategies and medications, and that requires that we implicate the society in which there is so much unhappiness, and not just our selves which are unhappy – that we reject the repressively depoliticised official discourse on mental health, and dare to think about the kind of world in which life might be worth living.

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This is a list of radical writings around the issues of intersectionality, privilege (theory), identity (politics), and difference. It was originally compiled by Abbey Volcano on facebook, and I’ve reproduced it here and added a couple of things. Let me know if there’s anything missing or that you think should be added (self-promotion is fine as long as it’s on topic). Also let me know if there’s mistakes or broken links here, as I haven’t gone through this all with a fine-tooth comb or anything. Linking does not imply endorsement.

“I Would Rather be a Cyborg Than a Goddess” Intersectionality, Assemblage, and Affective Politics, Jasbir Puar (2011) 

“Undocumented”: How an Identity Ended a Movement, Yasmin Nair (2013)

10 Theses on Identity Politics, JMP (2013) 

A Class Struggle Anarchist Analysis of Privilege Theory– from the Women’s Caucus of Afed (2012) 

A Neo-Anarchist Vampire Bites Back: Mark Fisher and Neoconservative Leftism, Automatic Writing (2013) 

A Politics of Humanity: Towards a Critique of Conflict, Identity, and Transformation, Scott Nappalos (2013) 

A Question of Privilege, Wolfi Landstreicher (2001) 

Against Liberalism, for Intersectional Class Politics, Garage Collective (2014)

All hail the vampire-archy: what Mark Fisher gets wrong in ‘Exiting the vampire castle’Ray Filar (2013)

Anarchism, Social Emancipation and Privilege Theory: A Critique, Jehu (2013)

Anarchist Debates on Privilege (2013; Dyspohia 4, pamphlet)

B-grade politics and reaction, Angela Mitropoulos (2013)

Be Careful With Each Other, So We Can Be Dangerous Together (2012) 

Black Feminism and Intersectionality, Sharon Smith (2014) 

BrocialismRecording Surface (2013)

Capitalism and Oppression: Against Identity Politics, Blogging The End (2013)

Class Struggle and Intersectionality: Isn’t Class Special?, Automatic Writing (2013)

Creating an Anarchist Theory of Privilege, Dónal O’ Driscoll (2013)

Damn these vampiressynthetic_zero (2013)

Decolonial Intersectionality and a Transnational Feminist MovementSara Salem (2014)

Exiting the Vampire Castle, Mark Fisher (2013)

Fragments on Intersectionality, Anger & the Left, Automatic Writing (2014) 

Further Adventures in Intersectionality: On the Hounding of Laurie Penny & Richard Seymour, James Heartfield (2014)

Gender and the Radical Left: ‘Creeping Feminism’ and the ‘Dark Side of the Internet’ Rhiannon Lowton (2014)

Gothic Politics: A Reply To Mark Fisher, Matthijs Krul (2013)

Heteropatriarchy and the Three Pillars of White Supremacy: Rethinking Women of Color OrganizingAndrea Smith (2006)

I am a Woman and a Human: a Marxist Feminist Critique of Intersectionality Theory, Eve Mitchell (2013) 

Identity, Politics, and Anti-Politics: a Critical Perspective, Phil (2010) 

Identity Politics and Class Struggle, Robin D.G. Kelly (1997)

Inclusive, intersectional, anti-racist feminist class war – Many shades, second sex, Farah (2013)

Insurrection at the Intersections: Feminism, Intersectionality, and Anarchism, Abbey Volcano and J. Rogue (2013) 

Intersectional? Or Just Sectarian? James Heartfield (2013) 

Intersectionality and the Identity Politics of Class, Automatic Writing (2013) 

Intersectionality, Calling Out & the Vampire Castle -we need dialogue & change rather than exclusion, Andrew Flood (2014) 

Is Intersectionality a Theory?, J.J.M.E. Gleeson (2014)

K-Punk and the Vampire’s Castle, Not Just The Minutiae (2013)

Marginalization is Messy: Beyond Intersectionality, Aphrodite Kocieda (2013)

Marxism, Feminism & PrivilegeRoss Speer (2014)

Marxist Feminism as a Critique of Intersectionality, Sara (2013) 

On Fighting Patriarchy: Why Bros Falling Back Isn’t Enough, Kim and Arturo (2013) 

On Race, Gender, Class, and Intersectionality, Brenna Bhandar (2013)

On the Abolition of Gender, Folie à Deux (2012)

Oppression, Intersectionality and Privilege Theory, Karl Gill (2014)

Oppression Within Oppression: A Response to “A Question of Privilege,” Beyond Resistance (2011)

Postmodern Origins of IntersectionalityThe Charnel House (2014)

Privilege Politics is Reformism, Will (2012)

Privilege Theory. The Politics of Defeat, Sabcat (2013)

Refusing to Wait: Anarchism and Intersectionality, Deric Shannon and J. Rogue (2009) 

Rethinking Class: From Recomposition to Counterpower, Paul Bowman (2012)

The Dead End in Checking Class Privilege, Ryne Poelker (2013)

The Elements of Intersectionality, Mhairi McAlpine (2013)

The Identity Politics of Capital: Homogenising Differentiation, Automatic Writing, (2014)

The Oppression Ouroboros: Intersectionality Will Eat Itself, Jason Walsh (2014) 

The Point of Intersection, Richard Seymour (2013)

The Politics of Denunciation, Kristian Williams (2014) 

The Politics of Voices: Notes on Gender, Race & Class, Aidan Rowe (2013) 

The Poverty of Privilege Politics, Tabitha Bast and Hannah McClure (2013) 

The principle that there is a single world does not contradict the infinite play of identities and differences, Alain Badiou (2014) 

The Problem with “Privilege”, Andrea Smith (2013) 

The Promises and Pitfalls of Privilege Politics (2012; in pamphlet printing form, i.e. hard to read) 

The White Skin Privilege Concept: From Margin to Center of Revolutionary Politics, Michael Staudenmaier (2007) 

Tim Wise & The Failure of Privilege Discourse, Robtheidealist (2013) 

Vampires aren’t actually real, though. Class is: a reply to Mark Fisher’s castle of bollocksCautiously Pessmistic (2013)

What’s Wrong With Identity Politics (and Intersectionality Theory)? A Response to Mark Fisher’s “Exiting the Vampire Castle” (And Its Critics), Michael Rectenwald (2013) 

Who Is Oakland: Anti-Oppression Activism, the Politics of Safety, and State Co-optation, CROATON (2012) 

With Allies Like These: Reflections on Privilege ReductionismLinchpin (2014)

This paper describes an illegal feminist abortion collective [the Service] through whose efforts 11,000 abortions were performed between 1969 and 1973 when abortion was legalized. An analysis of interviews from 32 members of this lay group indicates how and why the collective was so effective in providing what is usually a physician – controlled medical procedure. After describing the structure of the organization and the process by which women obtained the abortion, including pre-abortion counseling and post-abortion follow-up, two sets of reasons for the collective’s effectiveness are presented. The first five reasons derive from the interview themselves; they deal with the organization’s social and historical context, its illegality, its charismatic leaders, its member satisfaction and its financial self-sufficiency. The next nine reasons deal with factors that make The Service a relatively typical democratic collective organization. The most important of these factors is its lack of concern for organizational survival per se. This account supports the Rothschild-Whitt model for collective democratic organizations. It also suggests that counseling is important both for the providers and for the receivers of abortions. (Author’s abstract)

Download (PDF): Seizing the means of Reproduction

Alternative download (mediafire)