Homonormativity: a real world example

I wrote the other day about how “gay marriage takes a certain section of the queer community and makes them just like straight people” and creates internal pressure ” particularly on those who are the most visibly queer, to reshape our sexualities into forms that are more palatable to conservative moralists and legislators”.

Sadly, real life (well Facebook) almost immediately provided a (fairly nasty) example.

On a Facebook friend’s discussion about whether we need Pride marches anymore (cos like, we’ve won already or something, haven’t we?) a couple of people posted comments like this:

Personally as a gay man, I dont see the need for gay men to walk around the streets of Dublin wearing things and leather straps. Thats not something anyone should be subjected to! Straight men don’t do it? SO why do gay men need to! I dont believe in gay pride at all and would certainly never go to one!

The only thing that really bothers me about the pride parade is the whole tight clothes/scantily clad aspect of it. Encouraging acceptance of other sexual orientations should not be used to promote a specific fetish which a small minority of people (gay or straight) have, and pushes a stereotype of limp-wristed, sex-obsessed screamers which isn’t representative of gay people at all. To me that’s just exhibitionists having the time of their lives. And that’s fine, but get your own fucking parade, lads.

I used to be this guy. I’m not particularly obviously queer, and unless I tell people, they don’t realise, which is handy because I can avoid a lot of situations where my sexuality would put my life/safety in danger. I used to have a huge problem with visibly queer people and blamed them for being stereotyped by straight homophobes.

But all this is just homonormativity. It’s people whose sexuality and gender expression is similar to straight people trying to disassociate themselves from the rest of the queer community in order to access straight privilege, and in the process indulging in the same shaming and homophobic abuse as the straight oppressor.

Don’t do this. Ever.

Oh and also: “limp-wristed, sex-obsessed screamers” fought the cops at Stonewall, so it is their parade.

  1. fieara said:

    Hi, I’ve read most of your blog and I love it, especially your posts on LGBT issues, abortion, monogamy/marriage etc. It got me thinking in new ways and I totally get what you’re saying, I’m a feminist, probaby straight (?) and yeah, I hate sexuality labels too, but honestly I think that label is the closest description of me…but you’re right, we don’t need labels. I’m not sure that ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ describe me and how would I know, I still need to explore and find out what I like. And I might change. And “I don’t agree with what you say but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it” has to be subordinated to preventing harm/triggering. Free speech isn’t a free pass; it doesn’t mean you can say ANYTHING, there are still antisocial behaviour and racism laws so you can’t say anything you want. I feel sorry for the women in Ireland who have to give birth because they can’t afford to travel to England, especially teens if neglectful/abusive parents don’t take them to England. Also, teens can’t hide pregnancies/abortions from parents, which impacts on their sexual freedom and right to privacy. The first should be a human right and the latter actually is, according to the ECHR. Those who have the most resources and are least affected/best placed to have children can get abortions, while those who are most relectant or not ideally placed to have children can’t get abortions. Ironically, forcing the young and poor to have kids isn’t great for the welfare state. In some parts of America teens’ parents will be notified if they get contraception…yup…it’s that stupid. Is it just me or are they doing abstinence-only education, parental consent for abortions to under 18s etc just to punish young women for having sex? To force them to be pregnant and bear shame? the abstinence ‘education’ teaches kids to despise ‘illegitimate’ children by emphasising why its bad and shameful….Anyway I’ve blogged a little bit about female sexuality, abortion and feminism too but yours ask questions more. I’m a capitalist but I respect your communist/anarchist views. Yesterday, an anti-gay loony (davestheology) laughed at me for telling him I admire his drive/passion while thinking he and his kind are a plague upon the earth…but I do. I can. Even with Ann widdecombe/Rush Limbaugh/Santorum. (Not that I’m really against socialism or communism; just don’t prefer it, only thing I’m against is theocracy/dictatorships obv). We are ruled by Christians but it’s not too bad over here in Britain but the US will be a theocracy if Santorum wins.

  2. fieara said:

    And I’m polyamorous and kinky too, though I’m not in a poly relationship right now, just selling my virginity to a guy who is in an open marriage/polyfidelity relationship. This is why labels fail: most kinky ppl/bdsm community only use kink sometimes, while me and a few others feel kink is primary or replaces sex, still others have the whole 24/7 master-slave thing, and a step down from that is DD which some claim is not actually sexual for them – especially Christian DD -, then there’s those who use bdsm as sexual play, like me. And some Diaper lovers do not do it because it’s sexual, it is not a fetish, but for most it is a bdsm fetish. So ‘kinky’, ‘sadomasochism’ ‘sm’ or ‘bdsm’ covers a huge range of different groups. And those groups could be subdivided into mono, poly, open, polyfidelity, committed, casual, gay, trans, queer, bi-curious, bi, straight…

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